OSS: "Hey girl. I have an idea."
Myself: "Ok?"
OSS: "Wait nevermind. False Alarm."
Friday, May 6, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
5/5/11
OSS:(listening to hakuna matata on her disney station)
"do you think that actually means no worries? like in some other language or something?"
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
3/8/11
OSS: "how is it that NASCAR managed to be the most popular sport in the world?"
Myself: "I'm pretty sure it's not girl, that's soccer."
OSS: "No it's not i promise. ESPN said."
Myself: "it's only an American sport. there's no way that worldwide it has more fans than soccer."
OSS: "yes. it does."
Myself: "let's look it up then, wanna help me Google it?"
OSS: "girl whatever it's not that important, you just need to trust me. They said it on ESPN."
Myself: "i would but you're wrong, I'm sorry but soccer is the champ worldwide"
OSS: "soccer isn't worldwide either...there are countries with no soccer"
Myself: "like where?"
OSS: ............
Myself: "I'm pretty sure it's not girl, that's soccer."
OSS: "No it's not i promise. ESPN said."
Myself: "it's only an American sport. there's no way that worldwide it has more fans than soccer."
OSS: "yes. it does."
Myself: "let's look it up then, wanna help me Google it?"
OSS: "girl whatever it's not that important, you just need to trust me. They said it on ESPN."
Myself: "i would but you're wrong, I'm sorry but soccer is the champ worldwide"
OSS: "soccer isn't worldwide either...there are countries with no soccer"
Myself: "like where?"
OSS: ............
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
3/1/11
(AC/DC back in black comes on)
OSS: "I always thought this was funny, cuz I'm pretty sure they're fully caucasian..."
Myself: "what?"
OSS: "AC/ DC .....they aren't remotely black, bunch of old white guys"
OSS: "I always thought this was funny, cuz I'm pretty sure they're fully caucasian..."
Myself: "what?"
OSS: "AC/ DC .....they aren't remotely black, bunch of old white guys"
Monday, January 31, 2011
1/31/11 Continued
OSS: So I'm reading this book by a European guy about American government, and he keeps spelling governatorial with a B. Stupid British people and their funny spelling...
Myself: is he using the word "gubernatorial" hon?
OSS: Yeah, like he can just put a B where it doesn't belong...
(ten minutes pass)
OSS: He also keeps spelling Lloyd with 2 L's....what is THAT about?
Myself: is he using the word "gubernatorial" hon?
OSS: Yeah, like he can just put a B where it doesn't belong...
(ten minutes pass)
OSS: He also keeps spelling Lloyd with 2 L's....what is THAT about?
1/31/11
(Listening to Ray Charles "I Got a Woman" on my radio at work, she turns to me)
OSS: Who is this guy and WHY is he trying to sound like Kanye West?
Myself: What?
OSS: This is a total rip off of Gold Digger...stupid...
OSS: Who is this guy and WHY is he trying to sound like Kanye West?
Myself: What?
OSS: This is a total rip off of Gold Digger...stupid...
OSS: ok so help me out, if i have to drive 22 miles to work every day and my car only gets 20 mpg, will that mean i have to fill up my tank every single day?
Myself: no no no, it gets 20 mpg, not 20 miles per tank
OSS: ok maybe i'm being slow today but i still don't get it
Myself: your tank holds more than one gallon, therefore you can drive much further than 22 miles on one tank
OSS: ok i know that makes sense, still don't get how it works, but makes sense...sort of...
Myself: I've always hated having to call someone a "Domestic Partnership", it's too long and awkward. Can't we just call them "lovers?"
OSS: WHAT? Of course we can't. Gay people would be so offended if you ever EVER called them lovers.
Myself: Why? I don't think anything about that is offensive...
OSS: Gay people are the most easily offended people in the world. That's why we had to invent the word "Domestic Partnership" in the first place and we can't just call them homos.
Myself: I'm going to completely disagree with you there...
OSS: OK then.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
1/26/11
OSS: What does that creepy guy think he's doing here again?
Myself: Who the building maintenance guy?
OSS: No the creeper with the ladder and tool belt.
Myself: Who the building maintenance guy?
OSS: No the creeper with the ladder and tool belt.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
One Sharp Secretary's Greatest Hits Up To Date
1/25/11 :
Myself: Yeah I think it's weird they are still giving my partner two-thirds of the files this month.
OSS: Ummm...not even close girl, you just have one-half of what she does.
Myself: Yes so for every one I have, she gets two...
OSS: That's what I said. That's not two-thirds.
Myself: Out of every 3 files, how many go to her?
OSS: Two. Girl whatever it doesn't matter, maybe you're right maybe you're not...I've never been good with decimals.
(Have shown OSS flier for fundraiser which would allow her to meet her favorite celeb - Fundraiser is titled TriplePlay for Kids at Local Bar, Benefitting Children's Miracle Network)
Myself: Yeah if you want to meet him that would be the perfect way in...
OSS: Girl you got my hopes up about it, that was mean.
Myself: What do you mean? I thought you'd want to go if he's going to be there.
OSS: It says VERY clearly FOR KIDS. Obviously you want me to show up and be the only adult there and look like an idiot.
Myself: No, it's FOR kids like proceeds of the event go to help kids. It's at a bar...
OSS: I dunno girl, some trashy people bring their kids to the bar with them.
12/21/10 :
(Listening to Christmas Station at Desk and gasps loudly) "I just realized something, I think when they say "trim the tree" they don't actually mean, like, cut it. I think they mean PUT things on it."
11/15/10 :
OSS: So I'm trying to watch all the best picture nominees to get in the mood for the Oscars this year. And last night I watched Schindler's List. Oh my god girl, it was AWFUL! I had no idea that was what the Holocaust was about.
Myself: Wait... what? You didn't know what the Holocaust was about?!?!?!?!?!
OSS: Well I mean I remember learning about it and stuff but I always thought it was just a war between the Jews and the Germans, but the Jewish people didn't even FIGHT BACK!
Myself: Oh no, you're joking right?
OSS: No girl, this is serious, I'm really traumatized by the whole thing. I didn't sleep at all last night
Myself: Well I'm sorry for your trauma girl, imagine how the victims of the actual Holocaust felt who actually experienced it, not just watched a Spielberg film....
OSS: I know, but that was so long ago, I just watched it LAST NIGHT!
Myself: Yeah I think it's weird they are still giving my partner two-thirds of the files this month.
OSS: Ummm...not even close girl, you just have one-half of what she does.
Myself: Yes so for every one I have, she gets two...
OSS: That's what I said. That's not two-thirds.
Myself: Out of every 3 files, how many go to her?
OSS: Two. Girl whatever it doesn't matter, maybe you're right maybe you're not...I've never been good with decimals.
(Have shown OSS flier for fundraiser which would allow her to meet her favorite celeb - Fundraiser is titled TriplePlay for Kids at Local Bar, Benefitting Children's Miracle Network)
Myself: Yeah if you want to meet him that would be the perfect way in...
OSS: Girl you got my hopes up about it, that was mean.
Myself: What do you mean? I thought you'd want to go if he's going to be there.
OSS: It says VERY clearly FOR KIDS. Obviously you want me to show up and be the only adult there and look like an idiot.
Myself: No, it's FOR kids like proceeds of the event go to help kids. It's at a bar...
OSS: I dunno girl, some trashy people bring their kids to the bar with them.
12/21/10 :
(Listening to Christmas Station at Desk and gasps loudly) "I just realized something, I think when they say "trim the tree" they don't actually mean, like, cut it. I think they mean PUT things on it."
11/15/10 :
OSS: So I'm trying to watch all the best picture nominees to get in the mood for the Oscars this year. And last night I watched Schindler's List. Oh my god girl, it was AWFUL! I had no idea that was what the Holocaust was about.
Myself: Wait... what? You didn't know what the Holocaust was about?!?!?!?!?!
OSS: Well I mean I remember learning about it and stuff but I always thought it was just a war between the Jews and the Germans, but the Jewish people didn't even FIGHT BACK!
Myself: Oh no, you're joking right?
OSS: No girl, this is serious, I'm really traumatized by the whole thing. I didn't sleep at all last night
Myself: Well I'm sorry for your trauma girl, imagine how the victims of the actual Holocaust felt who actually experienced it, not just watched a Spielberg film....
OSS: I know, but that was so long ago, I just watched it LAST NIGHT!
One Sharp Secretary Intro
Hi Ladies & Gents,
I would like to give you a bit of background on what is contained from this point forward in this blog. I was hired at a law firm at the very same time as another secretary. The things she says, in complete seriousness, defy explanation. They are without a doubt, the dumbest statements ever heard. They gained a small following among my friends as I would pass these anecdotes along, so I created a blog to encapsulate her "Greatest Hits" if you will. What follows is the things which have left the mouth of One Sharp Secretary. Enjoy!
I would like to give you a bit of background on what is contained from this point forward in this blog. I was hired at a law firm at the very same time as another secretary. The things she says, in complete seriousness, defy explanation. They are without a doubt, the dumbest statements ever heard. They gained a small following among my friends as I would pass these anecdotes along, so I created a blog to encapsulate her "Greatest Hits" if you will. What follows is the things which have left the mouth of One Sharp Secretary. Enjoy!
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